Decisions... more than one!

One of the more interesting days came this week in which two decisions I had to make were made without me really even putting much more thought than I'd realized.

By now, most of you know that I've been tormented by the AT&T and Alltel demons. Well, those demons have been slain and I've decided to take the chance at Alltel. It's going to be better for me in the long run and that's where my focus in my life is now. I don't think I'm meant for the "live in the now" mentality. I don't think looking further down the road is going to make me any less interesting. If anything, it's going to make my life more interesting because now I have a goal to shoot for and it's gonna be fun getting there. I haven't quite worked out the details, but I needed a goal. This can only end up being positive for me. This year has been teh suck and I need to start making it better.

So my second decision was one that I didn't even see coming. As we speak, Kayla is spending the weekend with her new boyfriend and I woke up the other day having realized that I'm perfectly fine with it. Now what I feel is mostly jealousy in that she found someone and I'm still single. The real trip was that I realized I'm ready for it. I'm not just looking to date because I'm still recovering from the breakup. I'm looking for something serious again. I've often considered the break up as being something that needed to happen, which is why I wasn't as distraught when it happened. I had initially believed it to be the meds, but in the end, I was just okay with it. I mean, it still hurt. It hurt like a bitch. But I think we're both better off this way. We're still trying to stay friends but I put up the disclaimer, "Leave some details out" for her. She understands, thankfully. lol

So now I have to look into what being ready for a relationship means. I've never really done the dating scene since I met Kayla when I was a basement dweller and met her online. But my friend is trying to set me up with her roommate who I used to work with. Very pretty girl and quite the opposite of Kayla. So, if nothing else, I'm a little curious to see if we'd hit it off. I dunno. I need a haircut. That much I do know.

I can't end a post on my blog without acknowledging the loss of my little Tor last weekend. It devastated me, but I'm coming to terms with it. I was expecting it to happen as most rodentia don't handle moves well and since she was the smallest of my three girls, I figured it'd be hardest on her. I'll miss her. She was our little baby so Kayla was hurt pretty hard as well. But I have plenty of memories and pictures of my little girl so I'll never forget her.

North, South, East or West? Heh... Might be up or down for all I know.

I think I'm at a crossroads in my life, though I may be making a mountain out of a molehill.

So I've been perplexed by a decision I have to make within the next month. I've been offered a job working for Alltel Wireless. I'll make less than what I'm making now at AT&T but the job is stable, I'll be getting benefits, and there is advancement. AT&T is a contract gig. No bennies, no advancement (unless they hire us full time which, while likely, probably won't be for a sometime yet), but great pay and easy work.

I was going to sit down and make a pros/cons list because this decision has me split right down the middle. I mean, typically, I'll lean one way or the other. But this one has me completely at a loss. While contemplating my decision, I was checking out WWdN:iX and Wil's post about about the journey, not the destination made me realize that I'm no longer a kid, doing what's easiest or what makes me the most money isn't what drives me anymore. The fact that I'm contemplating leaving one job for another based on the ability to make a career out of it really surprised me.

True, I haven't made my decision. I could very well choose to go with the money as it could really help me right now. But do I really need it? I don't think so. The pay cut I'm taking is only $1+ an hour which isn't all that bad. And the drive would be considerably shorter. So that's a benefit in its own right.

But then the money would help get me out of debt a lot faster and the job really is easy. But it's such a rinky-dink set up. They haven't gotten anything truly stable yet as it's a new product. So we have to deal with seriously pissed off customers, field technicians who electrocute themselves because, gods love 'em, they were only born with half a brain, and lower level techs who are too afraid to try anything because they don't want to screw up and have the customers yell at them.

The decision is harder than I had ever realized. I would start with Alltel November 5th so I have until then to make a decision. I mean, I don't even know what it's going to be like at Alltel. I can only hope it'll be like Verizon. While VZW had its drawbacks, it was a stable company with a lot of room to grow. I made it to supervisor there. I'm just not sure. Maybe it'll be worse. I wish I had a crystal ball. Not to see how things would come out, but to get lottery numbers so I could just throw this whole decision out the window and live in a giant mansion on a lake somewhere in Ireland. Eh, a man can dream.

And now, Email sig of the day, courtesy of WWdN: "Always be yourself. Unless you suck."

At work...

Well, I'm almost completely moved out of my apartment. Just some minor clean up work left before I sever such a tie. That was my first apartment in AZ so it's a kind of an odd and sad feeling. Lots of memories in that apartment. Lots to look back on.

On the plus, I'm getting situated at my house though the lack of any real TV sucks ass. The girls are moved in so my roommate's cat has been eyeballing them. I'm not worried, though. If she somehow manages to actually turn the knob and open the door, the girls will give her what fer.

I have to really thank Dawnee for giving me the opportunity to live in a house for the first time in 17 years. It's an odd feeling knowing that there isn't someone on the other side of the wall. Not to mention that I really needed a new living situation as my finances were really beating me to hell.

I've been stressing about my own life lately. Ever since I got fired from VZW, things have been unstable and I hate instability. I feel like I've lost any semblance of control. Job hopping from GoDaddy to AT&T and now Alltel in November. I feel like a loser. I don't job hop. I'm supposed to be the stable, hard-working one. It's aggravating.

I know things will get better. It just seems kind of overwhelming right now.